"Too Many Twits Make A Twat"

What do Trent Reznor and David Cameron have in common? Well other than their outstanding sense of self importance, both suffered limited success at online social networking (webcameron peaked far too early) and both seem to hold a particular grudge against the twitter population.

Reznor seems to have a greater cause for grief, according to a post on the Nine Inch Nails forum "Around the time news broke of my engagement, a faction of troublemakers showed up whose sole intent was to disrupt, harass, insult and incite." Such an unecessary level of abuse has now caused him to leave the website, "You trolling, cowardly pigs-- you've succeeded."

The same can't really be said for Cameron who this monday on the Christain O'Connell expressed the impressively frank remark, "too many twits make a twat". Whatever its political motivations, the comment does raise the question of whether celebrities only serve to embarass themselves through their twiter posts.

After a brief search here are 3 examples of your typical offenders:

1) Carl Barat (the bore):

Had a bit of a lie-in this morning, but still shattered *yawn*4:28 AM Jul 24th from web

I don't know whether Carl purposely saves the most tedious moments of his day for twitter but I don't really need to know about his sleeping habits

2) Jon McClure (the activist):

failed musicians should be barred from becoming music critics! also why cant people describe records without reference to other ones ?6:19 AM Jul 25th from web

Even if you extend this caveat to every journalist who voted Conservative at the last election, one suspects the majority of reviews for A French Kiss In The Choas would still be dire.

3) James Endeacott (the misunderstood ruffian):

99 problems on the helter skelter as I travel up the river under the bridges of life.....save meabout 20 hours ago from TwitterBerry

The worst kind of offender, trying to put accross a faux artistic spirit in 140 characters but instead producing the same meaningless drivel as Carl

Top 5 Ways to Ensure A Good Review

Yesterday was a historic moment if not for music, then at least for the career of Lethal Bizzle. With a new album to promote and a full awareness that a bad NME review could spell the end of his short career, not only did he hand deliver the record to the office but he also sat there whilst it played at full volume bopping along furiously to his own genius. I wasn't there, I can only hope that some bolshy staff writer told him it was shit to his face but such a desperate ploy did get me thinking of the best ways to ensure a good review.

1) Interviews - Getting to meet the person you could potentially ruin gives the reviewer a sense of responsibility for the artist no matter what the content of their music, like a famer paying special care to the runt of the litter. If the artist is a cock though you can shear off at least 2 points from the final review, incidentally Tommy Sparks' self titled receices a Rob rating that careers into negative figures.

2) Packaging - Not exactly a way to an ensure a good review but certainly a review. Over the course of my work experience tenure I've seen many daft ploys: a wax sealed envelope, the DIY album art work (so bad it's good) but the winner by a country mile has to be the Get Sexy promo for the Sugababes. As if packaging the CD like a condom wasn't good enough it's "watermarked for extra protection".

3) Free Stuff - Usually you can tell whether there is going to anything of value inside a promo envelope as all the labels worth mentioning put their logo next to the address. Unfortunately such parcels of joy account for roughly 25% of all promos sent in but out of common courtesy you have to open every one. Even if you will never listen to the radio edit of Bananarama's Love Comes. Imagine then, if you can, my delight at opening a package stuffed with one CD and lots of Haribo, Maoam at that. Unfortunately the promo was tossed aside in the rush for free sweeties.

4) Press Release - If you get round to reading the press release on a promo that means you're probably going to have to go ahead and review it. At least you the writer can give your honest opinion about the record though. Think of the poor press officer who described Killa Kela as "arguably the best beat boxer on the planet", he/she probably had to spend a fair amount of time listening to his record to come up with this faintest of silver linings. Even worse for said PR man/lady such facesaving PR bull is painfully obvious and a review will not be forthcoming.

5) The Music - Having spent a fair time on magazine rotation you eventually reach the conclusion that there is a lot of good music around but there is a lot more bad music to compensate. It's always a priviledge to hear something new and great but such tracks can sometimes get lost in admist an endless stream of crap. To end on a positive note here is my needle in the haystake for today:

La Roux vs. Florence: Battle of the Redheads

Ok so these reviews are slightly behind with the times but hey, I left my iPod in Leamington and playing any album through my in-laptop speakers will always result in a cross between the sound of a meat grinder and Slayer’s Reign In Blood.

Anyway the points for comparison between the two acts are more obvious than one would have first thought. Both operate with the subtlety of sledge-hammer, both feature an impressive vocal range and both hold an ambition to reach beyond the niche pages of mixmag and the NME.
But enormous quiffs and Kate Bush impressions aside, the question of whether there’s any substance to these two young acts remains largely unanswered by the debut albums from both parties.

Kicking off with the bigger seller, Lungs is befitting of the attention span of its author flitting intermittently between the garage-rock of Kiss With A Fist, the stomp pop of Girl With One Eye and string drenched Dog Days Are Over. Though offering an eclectic mix, such an approach doesn’t lend to a coherent record. Indeed for an artist with such an effervescent personality pursuing so many musical directions leaves Miss Welch at risk of losing her identity within the musical quagmire.

The primary anchor within this diversity is Florence’s admittedly impressive set of pipes and boy does she know it. Restraint is rarely exercised when the opportunity for an all out warble fest arises. On Rabbit Heart’s no holds barred chorus “this is a gift it comes at a price” it works a treat, however, excessive use of the talent diminishes its effect. Blinding in fact represents one of the LPs finer points for its deft use of wilting vocals wrapped in a slew of gently plucked strings. Ultimately, the choice of You’ve Got The Love to bookend the album acts as a neat summary of its contents, unique enough to make you sit up and take notice but lacking the refinement to hold attention once the novelty factor has worn off.

La Roux’s album is a different, altogether more formulaic beast. The challenge for Elly Jackson and Ben Langmaid was always going to be how to produce a record so heavily indebted to a pre-definied era without it sounding dated from the moment of release. Their answer it arises, is to stick rigidly to the cold brew of shrill synth and falsetto vocals that has already lead to the chart topping success of Bulletproof and In For The Kill. However well this modus operandi transposes to the dance floor though, on an emotional level it doesn’t really rise above ‘boys are stupid throw rocks at them’ level emotions.

Given the fragile nature of both the music and lyrical subject matter one wouldn’t have thought this would have been a stumbling block “It’s all false
love and attention / you don’t want me you just like the attention”. Yet on Cover My Eyes and Amour Love, a paper thin backdrop jars when Elly Jackson tries to bring in more complex feelings for discussion. This deficit doesn’t make La Roux’s debut a bad album, the When Doves Cry sampling Quicksand and coarse chimes of Tigerlily ensure that. In terms of a some what obligatory 80s influenced records / TV police drama comparison however, it represents the The Bill to Ladyhawke’s The Wire.

Florence + The Machine – Lungs 7/10
La Roux – La Roux 6/10

As infectious as swine flu...

I'm not really a massive subscriber to the Popjustice worldview where pop is afforded the same status as high art in a desperate bid for subversiveness. However, these two videos at least showcase the genre in it's best (if still highly vacous) light.





On a side note if Calvin Harris ever stops making music with the intellectual maturity of Bubbles the chimp, then he might actually write something really good.

iTunes vs. Spotify - Round 1

If you haven’t been following Spotify’s journey this year and to be fair it’s moved at something resembling lightning pace, they may well have entered your radar yesterday.

This was the day Spotify sent over their much hyped app to iTunes with a view to releasing it over the next month. Crucially this app not only allows you to access Spotify’s streaming service when connected to the internet but also gives its user the freedom to store tracks and play lists for offline use.

Should Apple approve the app then anyone who joins Spotify’s subscription service can potentially access a near comprehensive music catalogue for the miniscule fee of £9.99 per month.

It’s groundbreaking stuff and could thankfully signal the end of the PR mainstay to ‘change the way we listen to music’ with artists getting paid for their work and subscribers offered virtually the same choice as Bit torrent or Limewire.

Having said all this though, if you were Apple would you let a programme that could rip your entire business structure limb from be sold through iTunes or would you let competition laws be damned and dig in for an expensive legal battle? Thought so.

Surely the best Twitter rant of all-time courtesy of Calvin Harris

1. Youtube have now removed the ORIGINAL mix and video of Ready For The Weekend, due to a 'copyright claim'.

2. IT'S MY FUCKING SONG YOU ABSOLUTE BASTARDSabout 4 hours ago from web

3. There are videos up there that other people have uploaded of the same song, and they haven't been removed!? But mine does!about 4 hours ago from web

4. It's the fucking BPI. FUCK YOU 'The BPI' what have you ever done for anybody you useless shower of cuntsabout 4 hours ago from web

5. The BPI are the worst organisation to ever walk the earth and their setup is shambolic and their online employees are all massive retardsabout 4 hours ago from web

6. I'm going to drive my car into the big window in the BPI's offices on my way to the studio this morningabout 4 hours ago from web

7. I'm going to hire a 4x4 for the day so i make more of an impact, and hopefully reach the online monkeys at the back of the officeabout 4 hours ago from web

8. Then i'm going to jump out the sunroof and get busy with a frying pan. OR WOKabout 4 hours ago from web

And finally:
9. Ok I got a bit caught up in the heat of the moment. Sorry to employees of the BPI who aren't massive retards. But please put my video back about 1 hour ago from TwitterBerry

What with JAM TV and now this, Calvin seems to be in overdrive to compensate for the tedium of his music...

Barclaycard Mercury Prize / The You Nominated Who? Award

Ok I get it it's the Mercury's anyone could win but this years nominations list has seemingly taken several liberties with common sense. The omission of Little Boots I can understand, her early promise was dimished by a disappointing album, Jack Peñate is perhaps a little too brash for the discerning music snob and maybe Doves were sacrificed for predictabilities sake.

But The Maccabees, Metronomy, Lily Allen, Late of the Pier and Manic Street Preachers all lost out in favour of hardly stand out efforts from La Roux, Florence and Kasabian. Equally the unknown quota is up from last year, I'd be lying to have ever heard from Led Bib, The Invisible or Billy Sweet Pilgrim.

This is a list that confirms the Mercury's status as an unpredicatble beast, unwilling to bend to the will of the mainstream music media. My money's on Friendly Fires to snatch it but you can be damned sure I'll be wrong.