Yesterday was a historic moment if not for music, then at least for the career of Lethal Bizzle. With a new album to promote and a full awareness that a bad NME review could spell the end of his short career, not only did he hand deliver the record to the office but he also sat there whilst it played at full volume bopping along furiously to his own genius. I wasn't there, I can only hope that some bolshy staff writer told him it was shit to his face but such a desperate ploy did get me thinking of the best ways to ensure a good review.
1) Interviews - Getting to meet the person you could potentially ruin gives the reviewer a sense of responsibility for the artist no matter what the content of their music, like a famer paying special care to the runt of the litter. If the artist is a cock though you can shear off at least 2 points from the final review, incidentally Tommy Sparks' self titled receices a Rob rating that careers into negative figures.
2) Packaging - Not exactly a way to an ensure a good review but certainly a review. Over the course of my work experience tenure I've seen many daft ploys: a wax sealed envelope, the DIY album art work (so bad it's good) but the winner by a country mile has to be the Get Sexy promo for the Sugababes. As if packaging the CD like a condom wasn't good enough it's "watermarked for extra protection".
3) Free Stuff - Usually you can tell whether there is going to anything of value inside a promo envelope as all the labels worth mentioning put their logo next to the address. Unfortunately such parcels of joy account for roughly 25% of all promos sent in but out of common courtesy you have to open every one. Even if you will never listen to the radio edit of Bananarama's Love Comes. Imagine then, if you can, my delight at opening a package stuffed with one CD and lots of Haribo, Maoam at that. Unfortunately the promo was tossed aside in the rush for free sweeties.
4) Press Release - If you get round to reading the press release on a promo that means you're probably going to have to go ahead and review it. At least you the writer can give your honest opinion about the record though. Think of the poor press officer who described Killa Kela as "arguably the best beat boxer on the planet", he/she probably had to spend a fair amount of time listening to his record to come up with this faintest of silver linings. Even worse for said PR man/lady such facesaving PR bull is painfully obvious and a review will not be forthcoming.
5) The Music - Having spent a fair time on magazine rotation you eventually reach the conclusion that there is a lot of good music around but there is a lot more bad music to compensate. It's always a priviledge to hear something new and great but such tracks can sometimes get lost in admist an endless stream of crap. To end on a positive note here is my needle in the haystake for today:
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