A Cliché Wrapped In A Cliché

No one wants the most memorable point in their music career to be a viral video but this will probably be the fate of Raygun. Having a big mouth hasn't always a bad thing (see Johnny "better than Dylan" Borrell) but when your lead singer utters the phrase "We might have mojitos at 11am in the morning! I mean, what the hell, man?" Well you've got it coming don't you?

Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics

You are currently looking at (statistically) the best pop act of all time.

This week the Black Eyed Peas scored the longest successive stay at the top of the US Billboard Hot 100 singles chart by a duo or group. The band have spent 17 weeks at the top after initially spending 12 at Number One with Boom Boom Pow before their current single I Gotta Feeling took over for a further five weeks.

On a purely numerical this makes the BEP better than Madonna, MJ, Prince, Bowie and last (and almost certainly least) Usher from who they took ownership of the record. This is of course ludicrous but it does beg the question of how to judge 'the greatest pop star ever question' if not by the hand of such a blunt instrument.

Here are a couple home-brewed examples:*

1) Universal Appeal - Gimme Gimme Gimme a song laced with sexual inneudo but make sure everyone from six to sicty can dance to it.

2) Charisma - The true personality of a pop star should always remain a mystery. The best create their own enigma and discard this Man In The Mirror as soon as the public's attention begins to waver.

3) Trend Setters - No pop legend worth their salt has ever towed the party line fom musical era to musical era. Such a Toxic lack of innovation condemns the Holly Valences, the Jason Donnovans, the 3 of a Kinds of the Top 40 graveyard.

4) Image Is Everything - One Way Or Another members of your own sex should want to be you and the other portion of the world's population should want to be with you. Whether this means dressing up as a school girl or sporting a lightning bolt accross your face is your perogative.

5) The Devil Is In The Details - Pavorotti could sing but could he dance, compose, direct his own video and protest his own virginty until the eventual emergence of a graphic sex tape? No! That morbidly obese Italina would not be able to say, "I'm Still Standing".**

These criteria should only act as a rough guideline but using them as my guide, I propose the best contender for a while to take her place within this already esteemed pantheon:




* Advanced apologies for horrific use of pop based puns
** This was as painful to type as it must have been to read

“If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble” - Bob Hope

Seems like bands are being an extra generous bunch these days. First, Arctic Monkeys announce they're releasing the physical formats of Crying Lightning through Oxfam and then, not ones to be outdone, Radiohead release the completely new Harry Patch (In Memory Of) as a charity download.

From the Arctic's point of few, it's a nice gesture although not one likely to bring in the mega bucks for Oxfam. In a recent analysis of the midweek charts, even indie pin-up Florence + The Machine's Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up) made no. 16 on only 64 physical sales. Still, the Monkeys hold a loyal enough fanbase for the release to make a decent contribution to Oxfam's coffers.

Meanwhile, 'Harry Patch' goes beyond a fitting tribute for the World War I veteran and straight into the Radiohead A list. The sole use of a string section is such a perfect accompaniment for Thom Yorke's typically mournful voice that its almost a wonder that they haven't spun this trick before. Meanwhile the lyrics provide a rare glimpse of Yorke acting outside abstracts and in the character of someone else "i am the only one that got through / the others died where ever they fell". Truly touching stuff...

Proceeds from the £1 track go straight to the British Legion, make sure you select gift aid if you can afford to make the purchase, so here's the link again.

The Preston Dilemma

Credibility is a strange thing. Preston, former frontman of The Ordinary Boys, had it when his band released their proficient ska-punk debut Over The Counter Culture. Lost it with the appaling Brassbound. Heroically tried to side step the entire issue by entering Celebrity Big Brother and going on an arena tour which of course all ended in the end of the band, his marriage although apparently not his record deal.

Which brings us to Dressed To Kill, Sousxie and The Banshees sample aside, there is not a shred of dignity in this song. The pose shots in the video seem almost eye gougingly awful and the song itself is the next in the seemingly never ending factory line of electro pop. BUT it is good, maybe in a 'so bad it's good way' but still it's catchy as hell.

I can't really see a prosperous pop career for Preston purely on the basis that so many people would be happy to see him fail miserably. Yet if he can scrape together a few more tunes along this line, then he might be able to escape from the endeavour with more pride he than he did leaving the Celebrity Big Brother house.

Folk The World

If the picture above doesn't raise a glimmer of a smile on your face either you're really not a mondays person or you haven't yet watched the Flight of the Conchords. The second season documenting the life and times of New Zealand's fourth most popular guitar-based digi-bongo acapella-rap-funk-comedy folk duo is out on DVD today and has accordingly launched its way straight to the top of my 'things to buy when I have the money list'. For the uninitiated there's even a compilation box set of both series so far.

Music however, remains free on myspace and spotify at least. Therefore, you have no reason to check out both Lanterns on the Lake and Mumford and Sons two equally brilliant folk based bands operating on a slightly more serious basis.

Starting with the more established Mumford, a further addition to the decent bands associated with Laura Marling list, if can ignore the comical qualities of extensive banjo abuse then you'll no doubt become quickly absorbed in their mix of heart on sleeves lyrics and tender harmonies.

Lanterns are much lesser known affair, I only discovered them by chance after giving their promo a spin whilst on work experience. Their Misfortunes & Minor Victories EP not only surpassed my lowely expectations but stole a small piece of my heart. I defy you not to listen to A Kingdom and not have your socks charmed straight off.

Spot The Difference

Clealry recording with Josh Homme has had both a deep and profound effect on the Arctic Monkeys. Not a bunch famed for their great use of the music video artform this could represent a new low for them.

Queens Of The Stoneage - Go With The Flow



Arctic Monkeys - Crying Lightning



Whoever came up with the idea to swap 'cool car/sperm' with 'old boat' deserves a pay cut. If the same person came up with the lifesize 'Rock God Alex Turner' this may well prove his last outing in the field.

"Too Many Twits Make A Twat"

What do Trent Reznor and David Cameron have in common? Well other than their outstanding sense of self importance, both suffered limited success at online social networking (webcameron peaked far too early) and both seem to hold a particular grudge against the twitter population.

Reznor seems to have a greater cause for grief, according to a post on the Nine Inch Nails forum "Around the time news broke of my engagement, a faction of troublemakers showed up whose sole intent was to disrupt, harass, insult and incite." Such an unecessary level of abuse has now caused him to leave the website, "You trolling, cowardly pigs-- you've succeeded."

The same can't really be said for Cameron who this monday on the Christain O'Connell expressed the impressively frank remark, "too many twits make a twat". Whatever its political motivations, the comment does raise the question of whether celebrities only serve to embarass themselves through their twiter posts.

After a brief search here are 3 examples of your typical offenders:

1) Carl Barat (the bore):

Had a bit of a lie-in this morning, but still shattered *yawn*4:28 AM Jul 24th from web

I don't know whether Carl purposely saves the most tedious moments of his day for twitter but I don't really need to know about his sleeping habits

2) Jon McClure (the activist):

failed musicians should be barred from becoming music critics! also why cant people describe records without reference to other ones ?6:19 AM Jul 25th from web

Even if you extend this caveat to every journalist who voted Conservative at the last election, one suspects the majority of reviews for A French Kiss In The Choas would still be dire.

3) James Endeacott (the misunderstood ruffian):

99 problems on the helter skelter as I travel up the river under the bridges of life.....save meabout 20 hours ago from TwitterBerry

The worst kind of offender, trying to put accross a faux artistic spirit in 140 characters but instead producing the same meaningless drivel as Carl